endless

I have had to recognize myself, (my/our/your childhood trauma) in order to awaken.
In this mental space, I recognize (myself/yourself/us) a lot more recently.

Estranged mood behind estranged eyes behind estranged silence, comprehensive brooding. No amount of meditation has stopped it. I think in cycles, blitzkrieg infinity sign.

I (tend to) replace my vocabulary with the negative, (nowadays) it seems simpler somehow. Something I picked up when I began adulting and stopped having sex with strangers.

I used to (still?) blame you, it was easier. Lying became normative. So did erasure.
I felt I needed psychotherapy to diagnose me, but you did it with one sentence that night.

(I feel lighter)

You keep testing me with your understanding. Your embrace feels like an assault on my independence. I hated you for so long I believed it.

Took you saying you didn't want my
forgiveness to see that is all I wanted.

I am guilty of propagating bad attachment practices (have we bonded through sickness?)
Endless fucks couldn't emulate a percentage of the intimacy I feel when you're inside me.