but what do I care for ?

I know i am like my mother

she is gay but married my father

they separated but had two daughters

and a son who looks just like him

and she calls her father twice a week

like i have done

even though he didn't like the fact

she dated and married women

and my father is on and off 

with drugs and alcohol. 

I hate this back and forth with him and me

Has he read my poems and feel hurt? 

I was told i stay inside of myself

like i have my own world

and maybe I do. 

I can be forgetful, but it is scary when you feel

like you have no one in the world but yourself.

I thought we could have conversations talking about nothing,

maybe I am talking about nothing too much. 

I need to focus on myself, I think. 

Too much time and energy on the other. 

I know I can be like my mom sometimes

and that bothers me cause I don't know

if that means I will break hearts. 

I feel so alone sometimes. And when I speak aloud

to myself I know it is just me, but imagining  God

sitting next to me helps. 

Can everything I see be held up to me as truth? 

I try to be positive and sometimes I lose. 

I only have two best friends and I don't speak to them on a regular basis.

My sister is also one but she just lost her first love and I feel bad complaining. 

It is a constant whirlpool isn't it? I wish love was easier.